


and the walls come tumbling down

by burnthehousedown



Category: Nurse Jackie (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-20 23:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burnthehousedown/pseuds/burnthehousedown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place towards the end of Season 4. Things are becoming a little overwhelming for O'Hara, but she's always dealt best with her problems by keeping them to herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and the walls come tumbling down

**Author's Note:**

> So much fluff. I'm sorry in advance. Just a sort-of character exploration of O'Hara, because I love her, and I have a feeling I'll be writing a few one-shots centred around her in the future. Or at least one more. Anyway, thank you for reading, and any feedback you have would be awesome!

Eleanor O’Hara was a private person. Maybe not in the way Jackie was, with a wall constantly being built higher and higher around her until no one at all could see over, but private, nonetheless. She liked knowing that there were a few select people in her life she could share things with…okay, a couple of people. But still, she had people to confide in. And she did. Confide in them. But broadcasting information about her private life around the hospital was not something she was interested in. And, as a result, Zoey Barkow was not someone with whom she wanted to share her thoughts. She knew that if anyone was going to turn her private life into a not-so-private life, it was Zoey.

So, it didn’t quite make sense to the doctor when she found herself turning towards the young woman who was standing next to her at the nurses’ station and blurting out with barely a second thought, “I’m scared.”

Zoey put the pen she was writing with down on the counter and looked up to meet the brunette’s gaze, her head titled slightly to the side. “About Sally? I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be fine. I mean, it’s only a broken ankle, and I’m sure it hurts like a mother f-er but – ”

“No,” Eleanor interrupted her before she could get another word out. “Not about the patient. About – ” Finally giving her apprehension a chance to catch up with her, the brunette shook her head and moved to pick up her clipboard and pen. (Well, Zoey’s pen, but she knew the nurse wouldn’t say anything.) “Don’t worry. It’s nothing, really. Quite ridiculous.”

“Are you sure?” Zoey asked, grabbing onto the doctor’s arm before she could leave and dropping it promptly after said doctor turned around with her eyebrow raised, shooting the younger woman a not-quite-menacing glare. “I mean,” Zoey stumbled on, “if it’s something serious, you can talk to me. I’m here. For you.”

To her absolute horror, the brunette felt her throat tighten and her eyes begin to sting with tears. No, this was not going to happen. Not today. She attempted to take a deep breath to stave off any impending breakdown, but Zoey recognised her distressed state all too quickly and, with only a second of indecision, took O’Hara’s hand and pulled her into an empty exam room. Closing the door behind them, Zoey turned around to see the brunette angrily swiping at her eyes, still trying to calm her breathing.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Zoey said, taking a step towards the doctor and then changing her mind, stopping a few feet away from her. “It’s probably hormones, or exhaustion, or adrenaline, or something.”

“No – no, this has been coming for a while, I think. I’m just…I’m just very good at keeping my head when I need – when I need to,” the brunette managed to get out, between shaky breaths and the odd sniffle.

“You definitely are. I would say you’re one of the most collected people I know.” At the withering look the brunette gave her, Zoey added, “Even after this. Everyone freaks out sometimes. It’s nothing to feel bad about.”

Eleanor sighed and, after a moment, gathered enough courage to meet the nurse’s gaze. “Thank you for saying that. And thank you…for dragging me in here. I’d still appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about this, though. I do have a reputation to protect.”

“Consider it forgotten,” Zoey assured her, before taking another hesitant step towards the older woman. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk, though? We’re in here already, and I’m pretty sure no one’s about to die out there. We have time.”

Crossing her arms and moving to sit on the exam table in the middle of the room, Eleanor looked down at her feet – slightly swollen and no longer adorned with high heels – before answering the blonde. “Sure, that…I think that would be nice.”

Zoey sat down next to the doctor, keeping a respectful, yet friendly distance between them. “So…you’re scared? 

“Yes.”

The nurse waited for O’Hara to elaborate, but the older woman remained resolutely silent. “Is…it about something in particular? Or lots of things? Because I can definitely relate to that, I feel scared about a lot of things sometimes. Sometimes everything – ”

“I’m not scared of _everything_ ,” the brunette cut in, her voice laced with exasperation. “Just…” She sighed, looking away from Zoey, and was forced to notice how her belly now obscured her view of her body from the waist down quite dramatically. Like a mountain, hiding everything beyond. “Everything to do with the baby. I guess. I’m not – ” Raising her head to meet Zoey’s gaze again, the doctor inhaled a shuddering breath, let go of as many of her insecurities as she could, and charged ahead. “I don’t think I’m going to be a very good parent. That’s what scares me.”

Zoey couldn’t stop an incredulous laugh from escaping her mouth, and at the brunette’s less than amused expression, she went on in her usual light-hearted manner, “Doctor O’Hara. Please. You are going to be the best parent. You’ll rock at it. Everyone else will be insanely jealous of your badass parenting skills. There will be _awards_ given to you. Trust me, you’ll be fine.”

Despite the smirk that had appeared on Eleanor’s face, she didn’t laugh at Zoey’s comments, and her eyes were still filled with a certain sadness that the blonde wasn’t used to seeing at all. It unsettled her, more than a little.

“I wish I could believe you, Zoey.”

“Hey, I’m not letting you _not_ believe me. Eleanor…” The nurse paused briefly to make sure she wouldn’t receive too adverse a reaction from the doctor to the use of her first name, but the brunette simply continued to look at her with a mixture of patience and expectation. “The fact that you’re this worried to begin with, before your baby’s even been born…that just shows how much you care. And caring is what matters, even when you get things wrong…which you won’t…but even if you do, it’s the caring that matters, you know?”

“I think I do,” the brunette said, finally giving Zoey a proper smile. “It’s just hard…feeling like I’m so unprepared for all of this. I have everything I need to take care of a child…except the knowledge of how to do so. Properly. Without messing them up. If my childhood taught me anything, it’s that it’s far too easy to hurt a child in a way they’ll never recover from.”

“I don’t think you could do that. Not when you’re such an awesome person.” The brunette raised an eyebrow at the nurse, who reasoned, “Well, you are! And we’ll all be here to give you useless advice, if you need it. Which you won’t. Trust me, if anyone’s going to mess up your child, it’ll be me. Or Doctor Cooper. You should probably keep him away from the baby until it’s less impressionable.”

Earning a hearty laugh from the older woman, Zoey stood up and made her way towards the door, turning give the doctor another warm smile. “So, are you feeling better now? Because I should probably – ”

“Go. I’ll be fine,” the doctor assured her, getting to her feet a little more slowly than the blonde. As Zoey opened the door, Eleanor made the blonde pause and turn around by blurting out, “And thank you, Zoey. You’re a very comforting person. I think…I don’t think you’ll mess up this child at all. Which is great, means I already have a potential babysitter.”

Grinning like an idiot, Zoey said, “I would be delighted. And any time, Doctor O’Hara. I’m here to comfort. And heal. Mostly heal sick patients. But comfort, too.” With that, the blonde backed out of the room, narrowly escaping a collision with another nurse as she did so, which only made the brunette smile more. Sometimes help can come from the most unlikely places. Or people, she thought. Shaking her head, the doctor placed her hand on her stomach for the umpteenth time that day as she walked towards the door, but for the first time in months, she felt hope instead of fear.


End file.
